New taxes the Chancellor avoided in the Budget

Sometimes we're not as clear as we might be....

Accountants frequently ask new clients to either bring their passport into the office or to supply certified copies of the passport. 

It's a requirement of the anti-money laundering regulations. 

An accountant told me that a new client once sent him an unusual package. 

On opening it the accountant found a copy of the client's passport. What else? Another one. Same as the first. And another, and another. 

Indeed the package simply contained almost 3 dozen photocopies of the client's passport. None had been certified by a solicitor - or anyone. 

The accountant called the client to acknowledge receipt of the package and to find out why he had sent so many copies - and not had any of them certified. 

The client was pleased to hear the package had arrived safely. 

"I should have checked as I must have misheard you. 'Certified copies' makes much more sense. I thought you asked for 35 copies."

A variation on The Traitors - just for accountants

The Tax Avoiders 

Twenty accountants gather in a grand country estate for what’s billed as “a professional ethics retreat.” 

Unbeknownst to the majority, three are secretly Tax Avoiders — slick operators who still believe it’s “perfectly legitimate” to run your income through a dormant company in Gibraltar. 

Their mission: blend in, smile politely, and drop hints about “completely legal loopholes” without getting caught. 

Each day, the group faces ethical challenges such as: 

• Would you still take on a client if they paid in crypto and said ‘don’t ask’? 
• Spot the disguised remuneration scheme
• Rebrand a tax shelter as a ‘wealth retention structure’ ” 
• Bonus round: Design a new company car scheme that somehow includes a yacht. 

The faithful accountants spend their evenings debating clues around the dinner table. 

• “Did you hear her say ‘aggressive planning’ or ‘HMRC will never notice’?” 
• “I swear he winked when someone mentioned ‘creative compliance’.” 

Meanwhile, the Avoiders sneak off to the drawing room to whisper about EBTs, letters of comfort, and how they’re “friends with a barrister who says it’s fine.” 

At The Reconciliation Dinner, one accountant is expelled each night. 

Accusations fly: 

• “He’s too smooth — definitely used to speak at film partnership seminars.” 
• “She said she ‘advises high-net-worth individuals’. That’s code for trouble.” 
• “He called HMRC ‘the opposition’ as if he's in a constant battle with them” 

By the final episode, only a handful remain — desperately trying to decide who’s clean and who once claimed a yacht as a ‘mobile meeting facility’. 

Will integrity prevail? Or will one of the Tax Avoiders walk away with the super-high fee — and the quiet confidence that they’ll have moved to Dubai long before HMRC come knocking?

What is an ACCOUNTANT?

An ACCOUNTANT is someone who:

Analyses figures 

Calculates calmly 

Counsels clients 

Organises chaos 

Unlocks understanding 

Navigates numbers 

Tames tax 

Avoids assumptions 

Nurtures trust 

Transforms businesses

10 famous films with accountancy related themes

1. Never say never again - An outgoing accountant resolves never again to allow his clients to force him to work crazy hours in January. 
2. 10 things I hate to accrue (starring Heath “Nominal” Ledger) 
3. Schindler’s Listing – A heartbreaking story about Schindler floating his company on the FTSE.
4. Dude! Where’s my FAR? – A comedy about two guys who misplace their Fixed Asset Register. 
5. The Shawshank Exemption – a film about a wrongly convicted banker who helps guards avoid an audit [Bit ironic if you know what it was really about!] 
6. LIFO Pi - An abstract story about an unaccepted accounting estimate stranded on a boat with a tiger.
7. InSSAPtion – A sci-fi blockbuster hit about the implantation of statements of standard accounting practices into one’s subconscious. 
8. Star Wars: Annual Return of the Jedi – Luke Skywalker battles against an evil empire when he discovers they aren’t filing their annual returns with companies house on time. 
9. Accrual intentions – Sarah Michelle Gellar stars as a wealthy teenager taking Reese Witherspoon, a naïve student, under her wing to teach her the accruals concept. 
10. An ACA is born - The senior partner of a large firm, encourages the career of a talented young partner who eventually takes over running the firm

Cynical accounting definitions

Accounting standards

A collection of rules designed to restrict the imagination of accountants. Necessary because when no rules are in place, accountants go wild in their attempts to be reasonable. 

Annual report

A compulsory document prepared annually by accountants to describe the brilliant work of top management throughout the year. 

Assets

Items listed on a balance sheet, previously on the left, now at the beginning. Some are current, others non-current. 

Estimated useful life

The number of years of service of an asset as estimated by accountant, always significantly lower than the real useful life of the asset. 

Goodwill

Excess paid above the true value when one business entity purchases another, which accountants consider an asset, even though it represents poor negotiating skills. 

Risk statements

Padding at the beginning of an annual report to make it boring to read, and to discourage readers from reaching the financial statements. 

All credit for these goes to Grant Tait who lists them at the start of his 2024 book "Fun with accountants"

A junior accountant asks for a raise....

A student accountant in the US wrote to his senior partner asking for an increased salary:

---

Dear Bo$$ 

In thi$ life, we all need $ome things mo$t de$perately. 

I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ $tudent$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to the firm. 

 I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon. 

Your$ $incerely

Norman 

---

The next day, the senior partner sent this letter of reply: 

---

Dear NOrman, 

I kNOw you have been working very hard. 

NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. 

You must have NOticed that the firm is NOt doing NOticeably well at present. 

NOw the newspapers are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. 

After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad. 

I have NOthing more to add NOw. 

You kNOw what I mean. 

 

Yours truly,